The Ripple Effect Bridging the Gap

Language and Behaviors that Shut me Down

jwilliams — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:06:10 -0600

1) You need to pay attention. I felt misunderstood and angry. I really was trying to pay close attention.

2) You need to try harder. I felt hurt and sometimes reacted defensively because I was sincerely trying. I felt resentful because the extreme effort that I made wasn’t acknowledged, nor recognized.

Another Seven Truths - The Ripple Effect of Brain Injury in Families

jwilliams — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:02:24 -0600

1) Resentment and jealousies from siblings arise when parents give special attention to the sibling with a brain injury (Siblings can feel that no matter what they accomplish, it won’t measure up to “overcoming a brain injury.”)

Seven Truths - The Ripple Effect of Brain Injury in Families

clewis — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 16:30:32 -0600

1) Brain injuries don’t happen to people. Brain injuries happen to families.

2) The person living with a brain injury is a different person than previous.

Communication and The Ripple Effect of Brain Injury in Families

clewis — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 16:15:43 -0600

1) If the person with a brain injury asks the speaker to repeat what was said, they might hear the information incorrectly a second time. However, if the person with a brain injury repeats the information back to the speaker; the speaker has an opportunity to correct the error if there is one. If the brain injury survivor writes a message down, it is important to read back what was written to confirm that it was noted correctly.

Additional insights and strategies

clewis — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 10:37:17 -0600

Additional insights and strategies to increase your understanding of brain injury, improve communication, and build healthy relationships.

Seven Truths – The Ripple Effect of Brain Injury in Families - PDF

Another Seven Truths - The Ripple Effect of Brain Injury in Families - PDF

Recipe for Recovery

clewis — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 10:29:21 -0600

Ask any survivor to describe their recipe for recovery, and you will recognize patterns.

Top resources on their list will be:

love and support of their families
medical care from their doctors and therapists
hope, encouragement and tools from support groups

Three key components commonly listed by survivors who were successful in rebuilding their life after brain injury:

1. Letting go of their previous life

Commonly occurring circumstances that affect relationships:

clewis — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:37:00 -0600

It is equally important to establish that the pendulum swings in both directions and make mention of other commonly occurring situations that affect relationships. We can wear ourselves out trying to figure out or fix “things.” Or we can accept that “some things will never make sense” and “there is not always a fix.”

Some of those “things” regarding brain injury are:

Some survivors stunt their recovery due to their own attitudes and behaviors, despite the outstanding family/care-giver support and professional services available to them.

Strategies to support the survivor’s personal growth and independence while providing a safety net and protection:

clewis — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:24:29 -0600

One strategy that works well for giving and receiving advice is for the survivor to identify two people that they agree to trust – unconditionally. The survivor agrees to listen to their advice, even when they don’t agree with them (based on the survivor’s inconsistency to accurately assess and logically reason.) The survivor also agrees to ask their “trusts” for feedback whenever they disagree with the opinions or advice of others. Survivors agree to accept the conclusions and advice the “trusts” provide.

Seek to Understand Contradicting Perspectives

clewis — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 12:52:52 -0600

The comments in this next section represent the most commonly expressed relationship desires and disappointments that Lois has personally experienced and observed.

What is the key to minimizing the confusion and damage of MISunderstanding, MISinterpretation, and MIScommunication?

clewis — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 12:46:45 -0600

Stephen R. Covey, in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, advises us, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Just gaining an understanding of brain injury is a huge task. Taking the time and effort to gain the understanding of the thoughts and feelings behind the behaviors of someone affected by brain injury is an even bigger task.