My Quest for the NORMAL Child

Three years ago I was blessed with a child who has Cerebral Palsy. Parker's diagnosis sent the whole family reeling but I found myself determined to treat him as much like his three sisters as possible.

Cerebral Palsy has thrown me into a world of which I had never been party to before. Neurologists, orthopedists, physical therapists and other parents of "disabled" children have become a way of life and one thing I have noticed about each and every one of these people is they continually used or use the word NORMAL. Phrases like, "He may never be NORMAL" and "If only she were NORMAL" entered almost every one of my initial conversation with people that I now had to open my home, and my head to. After consulting the dictionary to find the definition of NORMAL (according to, constituting or not deviating from an established rule, principal or standard; occurring naturally), I decided to begin my quest for the "NORMAL" child.

I began, of course, with my own kids. You would think that out of four of them that at least one would fit the definition.

Sofi, my oldest, is five going on 40 and already at this very tender age wants her privacy and demands to be treated like the princess that she is. What 5-year-old even knows what privacy is? I know that this is not NORMAL.

The other three: Aspen, Greer and Parker, whose names are not even normal, are triplets and that, in and of itself, is not NORMAL.

Aspen came out fighting, fought to stay alive and is still fighting with anything and everything that gets in her way. It's almost as if she actually enjoys it. Surely this is not NORMAL.

Greer is way too sensitive. She cries at the drop of a hat and her feelings appear to originate from the very bottom of her soul. For a three-year-old this seems a little extreme and not very...NORMAL.

Last but not least is Parker and simply because of his "ability" SOCIETY has the right to decide that he is not NORMAL. In all reality if I had to choose one of my children who best fits the definition it would be Parker. He is your very typical three-year-old boy. He just sits in a wheelchair.

Apparently NONE of my kids are NORMAL which left me to wonder about the kids of friends, family and total strangers. I started to scrutinize every child I came in contact with, somewhere I knew I would eventually find the child that would fit the definition. Some kids came across as spoiled brats, some were horribly shy, some had behavioral problems, others were mentally impaired and still others were not very attractive. What was NORMAL? Then it dawned on me that whatever Webster's definition of NORMAL, each and every family's is going to be different. Also that as a child grows up he/she will eventually set the norms that affect their lives. I have come the realization that as a person what's NORMAL for one child or human is NOT NORMAL for ALL children or ALL humans, and that as a parent things like self-confidence and unconditional love are far more important than being what someone ELSE considers NORMAL.

At my house right now NORMAL is complete and utter chaos. I have decided that Sofi's privacy and Aspen's stubbornness, Greer's sensitivity and Parker's ABILITY are what is NORMAL at this point in their lives.

Tomorrow they may change and that is just fine. Never is no longer a word that I use when discussing my children and I can "if only" until I turn blue but that will NOT change tomorrow.

This ends my quest for the NORMAL child because I now know that I already have four of them.

Written January 1999