Mother calls her children a 'gift from God'

May 10, 2002 - When Michelle Kubicek was a little girl, she thought being a mother was about baking cookies every day and living in a perfect world surrounded by a white picket fence.

Today, as the mother of two mentally handicapped children, she counts her blessings even more.

"My children bless me in more ways than I've ever thought to count," Michelle said. "Maybe they were sent to me so that God could display his love for me through them, for I have known more love through them than I've ever known before."

Michelle's daughter, Dacia, is 10 years old.

"For the first three years of her life she couldn't hear anything," the Fremont mother said. "A doctor left gauze in her ear during a tube insertion which added additional hearing loss."

When Dacia was about a year old, her learning process was severely delayed. At age 2, Dacia was diagnosed by a specialist as being moderately mentally handicapped.

As most mothers would, Michelle accepted her circumstance and life went on.

Three years later, an unexpected pregnancy brought additional fear that her unborn child would be born with similar medical struggles. An ultrasound at 3 months along in her pregnancy showed the possibility of a birth defect.

A family outing ended abruptly after their car was hit head on by a drunk driver, and Michelle's doctor ordered bed rest until a complete physical exam could be done. He lived three hours away. The very next day on the way to her doctor appointment, the family was in another car accident.

"The first accident I stayed in the car. The second time you couldn't keep me in the car," she said. "The driver saw I was pregnant. I was freaking out."

The next day her doctor thought she might miscarry. Further tests would indicate Down syndrome when she was just three months short of her delivery date.

"We accepted it very well," she said. "We knew God was giving us this gift for a reason."

Nathanial, now 7, means "gift of God," she said. "And that's exactly what he is."

Michelle said although finding out her son had Down syndrome was hard news to accept, it was also a relief.

"I didn't have to question it anymore," she said. "I knew whatever God gave me, he knew I could handle it. Many people told us that abortion was our only alternative. We never even considered it."

As if that wasn't enough heartbreak for the Kubicek family, at three months Nathan needed open heart surgery.

"We had great doctors and although the chances were good he'd survive surgery, there are a lot of Down syndrome children who don't," Michelle said.

Nathan's dad, Jason, said he was more concerned that Nathan may not survive the surgery. "I was more concerned about his heart that the Down syndrome," Jason said. "I felt like any other father, there was just a little fear with it. Growing up, I had a step sister who has Down syndrome, so it wasn't anything new to me."

Nathan's weekly doctor visits turned into monthly. "Now we see the doctor once a year like anyone else," Michelle said.

Jason and Michelle encourage other parents who have handicapped children. "From the time he was born, doctors told us he may not ever breastfeed. He did," Jason said. "They also said he'd never take a bottle. He did."

Jason resented being told what his son would or would not do. "He did a lot of things around the same time other kids did," he said.

Michelle's days are now filled with homeschooling both children. Her curriculum includes Bible study, daily living skills, playtime, craft time, doctor and psychiatry visits, speech and occupational therapy, math, language arts, history and science.

Michelle said all subjects are organized in a very structured way. "If I divert from my schedule, the kids' behavior changes," she said. "They crave structure."

The only alternative to homeschooling is to send her kids to specialized schools for the mentally handicapped, the closest one being in Omaha.

"It's very much like homeschooling," she said. "It's a very intimate setting with a ratio of three kids to one teacher. It's great to see how they are with the kids there but I'll homeschool as long as I'm capable."

Despite daily struggles, Michelle believes that God works through her children.

"Sure, there are tears and trials, stress and feelings of hopelessness, yet these feelings are quickly diminished as my son giggles or kisses me or my daughter says "I love you mommy."'

The Fremont couple agree that the biggest obstacle they face are other people's perceptions of what their children can or can't do.

"Our children are like any other children, but you have to have a heart for them," she said. "These kids can do anything with someone who is there to take the time to teach them. It does take a lot of time, but in the end they can learn like anyone else. It just takes a little longer."

Michelle shares wisdom with other couples facing similar circumstances.

"Get ready to be loved," she said. "Don't put limitations on your children. Don't give them a label. The minute you put that label in your head, you put it in their head. Once you start thinking you can't, you won't. You've got to think of the positive, not the negative."

Jason is in awe of the dedication and love his wife shows while tirelessly taking care of their two children.

"She makes huge sacrifices, but I know where her strength comes from," he said. "She's a great mom. She puts herself where they're at. She always finds a way that works and helps them to learn. She seeks God first. That's what make the difference."