Stress

By Marilyn Henry

In recent years I have lost two of my favorite relatives while they were acting as caregivers for their spouses. I mourn the loss of Uncle Ned who was a funny pharmacist before he retired to take care of my aunt Ellen. She lived on for three years after his death.

My aunt Helen died very rapidly after my Uncle Ray was placed in a nursing home. She minded terribly that she could no longer care for him at home.

Caregiver stress is very real and needs to be taken very seriously. Becoming a successful caregiver is the first step. Gather information and make a plan. Understand your financial situation and learn what services are available. Knowledgeable professionals can help you look at all aspects of your situation and choose appropriate help.

Be realistic about what you can and can't do. If the caregiver gives out, everyone loses. Look at what needs to be done, decide which of these things you want to or can do, and look for other ways to get the rest done.

Learning to ask for and accept help are vital in helping to keep caregiver stress under control. People will ask, "Is there anything I can do to help?" Be ready with a positive response. "Yes, you can stay with Jim while I go to the store," or "Yes, can you run this errand for me?" There will be friends who say, "If there's any thing I can do, call me." Do it. Try it. Be flexible. Helpers cannot always be on your timetable.

 

Caregiver Stress is Real
Learn to Accept Help

Taking care of yourself is an important part of beating stress. If your health fails, who will care for you? Eat well, get your rest, and exercise. See the doctor when you have concerns. It is necessary to build time for yourself into your caregiving plan. Respite services are available, or other arrangements can be made so you can take a nap, visit friends, have a weekend away or whatever would refresh you. Attend to your spiritual and emotional needs as well.

Many do not understand how much the mind contributes to stress. Stress is a response to and event. Some people tend to magnify their responses. Others can minimize stressful happenings. It is a matter of mountains and molehills. If we can re-label our catastrophes and think of them as challenges, we will have less stress. Don't call it a disaster, call it an interesting development.

In the same vein, caregivers need to be their own best friends. Give yourself positive feedback. "I am doing a good job." "I really handled that well." Learn to laugh at yourself, forgive your mistakes and forget them. Reduce your expectations. Be reasonable and realistic.

Reward yourself for your hard work and devotion. Prepare favorite foods, take a bubble bath, buy yourself a gift. Attend your caregiver support group whenever possible, or find friends you can share with.

Remember, taking care of yourself could mean the life you save may be your own!

Marilyn Henry is a retired Case Manager and Information Specialist for the Lincoln LIFE Office.