RX for Caregivers How and What can you do to take care of yourself

The CAPSule newsletter, put out by Children of Aging Parents, urges caregivers to take periodic breaks from their responsibilities. With renewed energy they can approach their caregiving responsibility with more enthusiasm. After taking a break from their responsibilities caregivers including neighbors, friends, family members, and spouses will discover "a rested caregiver can be a good caregiver, but an exhausted caregiver is no good for anyone" according to Wendy Lustbader, M.S.W.

That comment might seem harsh but at Aging Services LIFE (Lincoln Information for the Elderly) we daily encourage elder caregivers to take care of themselves. As professional caregivers, we often see elder caregivers suffer and become very ill trying to be primary caregivers 24 hours a day, seven days-a-week without a break or assistance. We also see employed caregivers becoming over extended, and suffer burnout trying to do primary care for an elder and still be employed.

Several points were brought out in Ms. Lustbader's article:

Why should caregivers consider outside help?
How can an overextended caregiver benefit either parties?
When is taking over necessary?
How can caregivers best show their dedication?

When caregivers utilize outside help it does not mean there's a lack of dedication or that a caregiver doesn't want to do their job. It does not mean they aren't doing their job well enough or that they are relinquishing their role. It does mean they want their loved one to receive the best care possible and they realize they can't do it all, or alone. Considering outside help is not a sign of weakness. It takes strength to allow someone else to help with a responsibility caregivers thought was their own.

Trying to do it all and overextending one's self as a caregivers benefits no one and will only lead to imbalance in other aspects of life. Balance does not mean spending the same amount of hours each day on each responsibility. Balance means feeling good about the amount of time devoted to each of life's roles. When caregivers feel good about time spent as caregivers, that can help to prevent resentment about the responsibility. Becoming overextended benefits neither the caregiver nor the care receiver.

It is not always necessary for caregivers to take over. Helping the older person to stay in control will help them to maintain a sense of independence. However, there can be some conflict between that desire to help and the many other commitments crowding our lives. It is sometimes enough to supply the older loved person with telephone numbers and direction to assistance. Respecting an elder's right to make decisions can also relieve some of the perceived burden of caregivers. When it is not possible for the older person to make necessary decisions, caregivers can sometimes access other family members and service organizations to work out solutions for tasks they can't manage to complete.

Ms. Lustbader wrote that caregivers must show their dedication by finding ways to help that don't overburden their lives. When they relinquish some of the care they can begin to enjoy more quality time with their loved one. When all "together time" is spent doing tasks, personal relationships suffers. If the caregiver becomes ill from a lack of self care, who will be the back up? This all goes back to Ms. Lustbader's quote "a rested caregiver can be a good caregiver, but an exhausted caregiver is no good for anyone."

Discussion between caregiver and care receiver concerning any changes in routine will be important. It will be helpful to acknowledge that the change may be hard for both and that personal needs have precipitated this change.

One stumbling block to time off is often payment for services. Payment for respite is available through two forms right now. The Alzheimer's Association of the Great Plains will give a family grants over a year's time to use for respite. The money can be used for a short nursing home stay, day services over a period of time, or it can be used to give the primary caregiver a break for a few afternoons a week.