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Caring for the Caregiver while Caring for Others
By Jacque Thodes, Ph.D., "The Licensed Psychologist"
We are becoming a nation of caregivers due to the growing number of people living with a disability, particularly family member who are elderly and living into their eighth, ninth and tenth decades.
In 1994 the Census reported that there were 33 million persons over the age of 65 years. It is predicted that this number will double to 75 million in the next 40 years. In addition, those 85 years and over will triple from 3 million to over 11 million. Persons living to 100 years or over will soar to 477,000 in 2030 from 54,000. We are living longer lives but we are also living with multiple disabilities. These disabilities may include reduced vision and hearing, decreased mobility, and chronic medical diseases as well as cognitive deficits, acute medical illness, mental illness, and lack of social and financial resources.
Although the media tells us about the sandwich generation, adult children caring for their own children and parents at the same time, the Older Women's League reports (1989) that over half of caregivers are 65 years of age or older. We are a nation of the old caring for the older as well. In truth, we will be struggling for some time in the future how to cope with our own lives and assist our family members in managing activities of daily life. As a geriatric psychologist who spends a great deal of her time working with individuals, couples and families experiencing these problems, I often find myself telling caregivers they must take care of themselves in order to give care to others. Or I tell individuals they must be careful not to wear out their primary caregiver(s). The best information I have to give others is what my clients, their families, and other caregivers have taught me.
DEFINE THE PROBLEM
Describe in detail to yourself and others what is happening, going wrong, or changing. Write down over time what you see, hear and feel to draw a picture to describe it. Consult others (physician, neighbor, friends, family, and experts) to gain more knowledge about what you observe or others diagnose as the problem or problems. How does it impact the daily life of the person you care for? How does this impact your life and others?
WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM?
Is the cause medical, psychological, social, environmental, contextual or spiritual in nature or a combination? The causes will point to different solutions and treatment. Have you used all sources to determine the cause(s)? Do you need additional information? Do you need to find additional resources?
WHO OWNS THE PROBLEM?
Is the problem a priority for the person receiving care as well as the caregiver? If not, why not? Does cognitive status of the person requiring care impact insight regarding the problem? Can priorities be changed?
WHAT IS A REALISTIC SOLUTION FOR ALL INVOLVED?
Can everyone afford to carry out the proposed solution? Can you afford not to do it? This includes financial, physical, social, psychological and spiritual resources.
PLAN AHEAD AND MAKE DECISIONS BEFORE ILLNESS STRIKES.
Decisions made in the middle of physical and mental illness may not be the same if made while persons are well and capable to make decisions for themselves. Talk about living wills, estate planning, financial matters (Durable Power of Attorney and Power of Attorney), medical directives, assisted living and nursing homes and funeral arrangements while parents are well and competent.
DEVELOP COLLABORATIVE PARTNERSHIPS WITH FAMILY MEMBERS.
Learn to communicate about family care giving responsibilities with siblings, children, grandchildren and other relevant caregivers. Share the wealth of individual family members' strengths. Avoid playing into your own areas of weakness if someone else is strong in that area. Share decision making with others even if you must force the issue and take a vote.
TALK OPENLY AND CANDIDLY ABOUT CHANGES, PROBLEMS AND CONCERNS.
Express concerns in "I" statements, such as "I am concerned about your safety and the safety of others when you drive." Step in and act when you see someone in clear and imminent danger.
SET LIMITS WITHIN REALISTIC SOLUTIONS WHEN COMMITTING TO CAREGIVING.
Respect the autonomy of the person you care for as well as your own. Set your own priorities and then ask for the priorities of those you care for. Do they want you to spend time shopping for them or would they rather sit and talk and hire someone to shop? Be realistic about the time and energy you can consistently spend in care giving without harming your own health and well being.
ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT.
Develop alternative resources within your family, neighborhood, church, community and state. Consult experts such as LIFE (Lincoln Information for the Elderly) when seeking resources or trying to solve problems in care giving. Join a support group in your community, ask for a Stephens Minister, Senior Companion, or Respite Care. Take regularly scheduled time away from care giving responsibilities.
Posted July 22nd, 2007
We are becoming a nation of caregivers due to the growing number of people living with a disability, particularly family member who are elderly and living into their eighth, ninth and tenth decades.
In 1994 the Census reported that there were 33 million persons over the age of 65 years. It is predicted that this number will double to 75 million in the next 40 years. In addition, those 85 years and over will triple from 3 million to over 11 million. Persons living to 100 years or over will soar to 477,000 in 2030 from 54,000. We are living longer lives but we are also living with multiple disabilities. These disabilities may include reduced vision and hearing, decreased mobility, and chronic medical diseases as well as cognitive deficits, acute medical illness, mental illness, and lack of social and financial resources.
Although the media tells us about the sandwich generation, adult children caring for their own children and parents at the same time, the Older Women's League reports (1989) that over half of caregivers are 65 years of age or older. We are a nation of the old caring for the older as well. In truth, we will be struggling for some time in the future how to cope with our own lives and assist our family members in managing activities of daily life. As a geriatric psychologist who spends a great deal of her time working with individuals, couples and families experiencing these problems, I often find myself telling caregivers they must take care of themselves in order to give care to others. Or I tell individuals they must be careful not to wear out their primary caregiver(s). The best information I have to give others is what my clients, their families, and other caregivers have taught me.
DEFINE THE PROBLEM
Describe in detail to yourself and others what is happening, going wrong, or changing. Write down over time what you see, hear and feel to draw a picture to describe it. Consult others (physician, neighbor, friends, family, and experts) to gain more knowledge about what you observe or others diagnose as the problem or problems. How does it impact the daily life of the person you care for? How does this impact your life and others?
WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM?
Is the cause medical, psychological, social, environmental, contextual or spiritual in nature or a combination? The causes will point to different solutions and treatment. Have you used all sources to determine the cause(s)? Do you need additional information? Do you need to find additional resources?
WHO OWNS THE PROBLEM?
Is the problem a priority for the person receiving care as well as the caregiver? If not, why not? Does cognitive status of the person requiring care impact insight regarding the problem? Can priorities be changed?
WHAT IS A REALISTIC SOLUTION FOR ALL INVOLVED?
Can everyone afford to carry out the proposed solution? Can you afford not to do it? This includes financial, physical, social, psychological and spiritual resources.
PLAN AHEAD AND MAKE DECISIONS BEFORE ILLNESS STRIKES.
Decisions made in the middle of physical and mental illness may not be the same if made while persons are well and capable to make decisions for themselves. Talk about living wills, estate planning, financial matters (Durable Power of Attorney and Power of Attorney), medical directives, assisted living and nursing homes and funeral arrangements while parents are well and competent.
DEVELOP COLLABORATIVE PARTNERSHIPS WITH FAMILY MEMBERS.
Learn to communicate about family care giving responsibilities with siblings, children, grandchildren and other relevant caregivers. Share the wealth of individual family members' strengths. Avoid playing into your own areas of weakness if someone else is strong in that area. Share decision making with others even if you must force the issue and take a vote.
TALK OPENLY AND CANDIDLY ABOUT CHANGES, PROBLEMS AND CONCERNS.
Express concerns in "I" statements, such as "I am concerned about your safety and the safety of others when you drive." Step in and act when you see someone in clear and imminent danger.
SET LIMITS WITHIN REALISTIC SOLUTIONS WHEN COMMITTING TO CAREGIVING.
Respect the autonomy of the person you care for as well as your own. Set your own priorities and then ask for the priorities of those you care for. Do they want you to spend time shopping for them or would they rather sit and talk and hire someone to shop? Be realistic about the time and energy you can consistently spend in care giving without harming your own health and well being.
ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT.
Develop alternative resources within your family, neighborhood, church, community and state. Consult experts such as LIFE (Lincoln Information for the Elderly) when seeking resources or trying to solve problems in care giving. Join a support group in your community, ask for a Stephens Minister, Senior Companion, or Respite Care. Take regularly scheduled time away from care giving responsibilities.
- Ask for help when you begin to feel overwhelmed with daily tasks.
- Ask for help when irritability is consistent and anger increases toward yourself and others.
- Ask for help when you begin to withdraw from others.
- Ask for help when you note your sleep is inconsistent and appetite changes.
