Preplanned Funerals

Give Older Adults Control

Though families may find the topic difficult to discuss, the preplanning of funeral arrangements helps to ensure that an older person's wishes are met and reduces the survivors vulnerably to sales pressure during a period of emotional stress.

Preplanning can begin at any time, most often in conjunction with the establishment of other financial and legal documents such as wills or powers of attorney, sources tell Parent Care Advisor.

"Some families have long-established patterns for funerals and burials," says James 0. Pinkerton, CFSP, a funeral director at Orion C. Pinkerton Funeral home in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and a member of the executive board of the National Funeral Directors Association in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. "If a family always uses the same funeral home and has a large family plot in a certain cemetery, an individual really doesn't need much preplanning."

Preplanning a funeral can be as simple as writing the name of the preferred funeral home and cemetery on a slip of paper or as comprehensive as the preselection and prepayment of the arrangements, including cemetery or crematorium instructions, casket or urn, clothing, flowers, obituary notice, music - even a written message to be delivered at the eulogy.

Because funerals often cost $5,000 or more and can easily exceed $10,000, in 1984 the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) implemented regulations concerning funeral practices. The Funeral Rule is designed to help consumers obtain information about funeral arrangements without obligating them to purchase unneeded goods or services. Individuals can simply call a funeral provider to inquire about terms, conditions, and prices of goods and services.

Upon request funeral directors are obligated to provide a general price list with the cost of each individual funeral item and service offered. The price list also should disclose legal rights and requirements about funeral arrangements. For example, embalming is not required by law except under special circumstances, but it can become a required purchase with certain arrangements, such as a funeral with a viewing.

Individuals who wish to be cremated can deal directly with a state cremation society, says Jack Springer, executive director of the Cremation Association of North America, based in Chicago. Nationwide, 20 percent of all individuals now select cremation over burial, and states with large concentrations of older adults have cremation rates as high as 40 percent, Springer says. Preplanning is essential, since most states require a deceased person's next of kin to sign an authorization form permitting cremation. "An individual who wants this option must make his or her wishes known to family members," Springer points out.

Choosing cremation doesn't preclude a viewing or memorial service, he adds. Funeral directors usually offer rental caskets or an alternative container, such as an unfinished wooden box, to hold an individual's remains prior to cremation.

Funerals are for Families

Whenever possible, family members should participate in for preplanning arrangements, Pinkerton suggests. "People tend to be self-deprecating," he points out. "We often hear the expression, Just bury me in a pine box," but funerals are for family members. It's important to understand the needs of those survivors.

Confronting an individual's wishes about their burial or cremation can be a therapeutic experience for the family, Pinkerton adds. For example, gathering information that an individual may want in her obituary can become a miniature family history. Families need to know - or at least know where to find - certain vital statistics for the death certificate. An individual's military service can be important because he or she may be eligible for certain death benefits or honors.

Family members shouldn't assume they know an older relatives specific preferences, either. A retired trial lawyer may want to be buried with his fly-fishing rod instead of his law degree. Pinkerton once handled the funeral of a 102-year-old widow who was buried in her wedding gown-at her request. Individuals with a second residence also may want to consider planning a memorial service or viewing with a secondary provider, Pinkerton suggests. Otherwise, if the person's death occurs out-of-town, the family should contact the primary funeral director, who can make cost-effective arrangements to ship the body home for burial.

Funeral arrangements can be changed if an individual's plans are altered by the passage of time or life events. "The decision still comes down to the needs of the survivors," Pinkerton says. "Family members are sometimes just as saddened when a death occurs after a long-term illness than after a sudden event. If an individual develops dementia and spends many years in a nursing home, however, the grieving process may have already occurred."

Preplanning doesn't mean prepaying. Individuals may, but are not obligated to, pre-fund a preplanned funeral. Costs can be paid at the time of death out of the estate, from a burial insurance fund, or by the survivors. Cremation also can be funded in advance or at the time of death. If prepayment is preferred, an individual can pay in advance to guarantee specific arrangements by placing a sum into a prepaid funeral trust or annuity. As an alternative, he or she can set aside a specific amount of money that will be used to purchase arrangements at the time of death, though the amount of services may be lower than a fully pre-funded funeral.

For individuals with large estates, an attorney or financial planner can provide guidance about the tax implications of using insurance, prepayment, or estate assets to fund a funeral. The FTC's (Federal Trade Commission) Funeral Rule requires that a funeral director provide a written statement once arrangements have been formalized.

This document lists the prices of each individual item selected and cites the total price of the funeral and burial. When an individual chooses direct cremation, his or her ashes are returned to the family or scattered, Springer points out.

Most memorial gardens now include urn gardens where small, keepsake urns can be interred. "Even if an individual wants his or her ashes scattered, it's important to select a permanent resting place for some of the ashes so family members have a place to visit," he suggests. In fact the most important aspect of preplanning a funeral is to unpack the family's emotional baggage at the same time, Pinkerton adds. "I stand at a lot of viewings with family members and often hear, "I wish I would have ......." he says.

The hurt and tears are normal. What's sad is when there is no emotion because there are unresolved issues, such as an older individual's estrangement from adult children. We put a lot of thick letters into caskets, and those are helpful tools, but they are not as good as having a sense of closure with a loved one.

More Help with Preplanned Funerals

Caregivers who want additional information about making funeral arrangements can contact the following business, professional, and consumer groups:

American Association of Retired Persons (AARP)
AARP Fulfillment
601 E Street Northwest
Washington, DC (District of Columbia) 20049

AARP publishes two brochures, "Funeral Goods and Services" and "Prepaying For Your Funeral," which are available upon request at no charge.

Continental Association of Funeral and Memorial Societies
6900 Lost Lake Road
Egg Harbor, Wisconsin 54209
Telephone: (800) 458-5563

This consumer organization disseminates information about alternatives for funerals and encourages advance planning and cost efficiency.

Cremation Association of North America (CANA)
401 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois 60611
Telephone: (312) 644-6610

CANA is an association of crematories, cemeteries, and funeral homes that offer cremation. The organization offers a series of information brochures and cremation and funeral planning, available by sending a self-addressed, stamped, business-size envelope.

Funeral Service Consumer Assistance Program
National Research and Information Center
2250 East Devon Avenue, Suite 250
Des Plaines, Illinois 60018
Telephone: (800) 662-7666

This program is designed to assist consumers and funeral directors in resolving disputes about funeral service contracts. The center also provides consumer information on death, grief, and funeral service.

National Funeral Directors Association
11121 West Oklahoma Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53227
Telephone: (414) 541-2500

This is the largest educational and professional association of funeral directors, with 14,000 members throughout the U.S.