The Hamiltons- -Super Foster Family

The Hamiltons have been a foster family for almost 20 years. Answers4Families recently asked the Hamilton matriarch, Sue Hamilton, about her family history.  Sue has been an Early Development Network Services Coordinator through the Early Development Program in Grand Island for 18 years. Sue took a few moments out of her very busy schedule to answer some questions and share how her family has been blessed and challenged with being a foster family to traditional, respite, and emergency based foster placements. Look for more from Sue's  wealth of information and her family in the future!

1. What is your family's foster care background? 

My husband, Jim, and I have been foster parents for approximately 17 years. We have taken traditional, respite, emergency, agency based placements. Through the foster care system, we have adopted two children and took guardianship on two. We have a total of seven children, including three biological. Sarah, 28; Christopher, 24; Jake, 22; Brittany, 14 (legal guardianship); Taylor, 10 (adopted); and two daughters who have passed away-- Angel, 10 (adopted); Maria, 9 (legal guardianship). 

2. What made you decide to become foster parents?

Our son, Christopher, gets all the credit here. He is our reason and driving force in what we do. Christopher has many medical needs and  has a diagnosis of cerebral palsy. He requires tube feedings, breathing treatments, numerous meds, and has a seizure disorder. He is in a wheelchair and requires total care. He is our pride and joy and it is in caring for him that allowed us the comfort in caring for other children with similar special needs. 

3. You currently have a high needs child in your care, what are some of her needs and how did she come to be in your care?

Currently, we have a 10 month-old  who has a lung disorder, Pulmonary Hypoplasia. She requires oxygen 24/7 and is on numerous medications, breathing treatments, suctioning, cough assist machine and g-tube feeds via pump. She is also developmentally delayed in all areas. Again, because of the experience of caring for our son, Christopher, we felt confident in caring for her as these needs become routine for us each day.

This child came into our care due to her mom being young and very inexperienced in caring for a child with so many special needs. There is no doubt the love she has for her child. There is just so much for her to learn and hopefully we can provide the support mom needs to have the confidence to care for her child. 

4. What adjustments has your family had to make for this case? 

Our older, biological children have looked at this from only a positive experience. It's not been without some struggles  such as hospital stays, and worries over an illness--that goes without saying, but overall, it has taught our children so much! Our oldest, Sarah, went on to school to become a special education teacher and currently is a teacher in the Millard Public School System. Our son, Jake, is currently attending college and wants to also go into education as a music teacher. Caring for children with special needs comes second nature to us and our own children. I feel this experience has made our own children very well-rounded individuals. 

5.  What are some ways this case has been unique to your foster experience?

Well, I think that things have evolved since we first started caring for children in our home. In the beginning, we were not allowed to have much contact with biological families. Now, it's not only encouraged, it's sometimes necessary. This has been a positive experience for us as well. Currently, since we have a child with high medical needs, it's difficult for her to go to the home (to see her mom) for visits, so we invited Mom to come to our home to see her child. This has been a win/win experience because it allows Mom to meet and get to know our family, and her us, and also allows Mom to learn all the many, many needs of her child in a natural environment instead of a visitation center.

6. What has been the most useful resources for you throughout this and your other experiences in foster care?

Having the support and contact of the "team" is vital in foster care. Each child has a team who meets monthly to go over the progress, plans. The team consists of Mom, her attorney, case worker, GAL, interpreter (in this case), foster parents, visitation worker (Family Support Worker) and others who are part of the child's life. In this case, this child qualified for EDN services and has an EDNSC and Primary Coach who have contact with mom. Working as a team is vital in the outcome of each placement in foster care.

7.  What would you like other families to take from your experience?

Families new to the foster care system need to know that the goal is ALWAYS reunification (even if some on the team don't agree) and getting to know the family is a vital piece. It's not always easy, but in the end it's always better to have a relationship with the biological family. It's only after you have had a chance to meet them that you can have the opportunity to understand where they are coming from and help them through this complicated process. Also, foster parents must use the resources that are given to them. GALS, caseworkers, FSW are all supports to both biological and foster families. Other foster families can also be a huge support when sometimes we just need to talk to someone who has been there!

One thing that is a constant frustration is when others (outside of the foster care system) comment that they could, "never be a foster parent because they couldn't give the children back." This is said as if "we" as foster parents have no heart and somehow have that magic ability to not bond or fall in love with that child. The answer to that is simple--we as foster parents ALWAYS sad and sometimes even grieve when a child leaves our home--even if we are agreeing this is the right thing to do. We take this child into our care, love them, and yes, bond with them. Then the go home...and yes sometimes it may even rip out a little piece of your heart. But the bottom line is, if everyone who considered doing foster care chose not to for that reason--we would have no foster homes. I know our lives would be far less blessed without the wonderful, beautiful children who have graced our home by being a part of if...even if was just for a little while!