Common Issues in Adoption

Adoption is different than forming a family biologically. The adoption process differs from forming a family biologically and the social and family support may not be as available as they are to families formed biologically. Adopted children enter the family with their own history, genes, and set of circumstances that differ from that of the adopting family. Family dynamics are different for adoptive families.

Mastery and control relate to the sense of personal power that all people seek over their lives. For adoptive parents there may be challenges to mastery and control related to infertility and having strangers become involved in the most intimate decisions of their lives. Children also lose a sense of mastery and control because of all the decisions made in their behalf and the various circumstances they faced in coming into and being a part of the child welfare system.

Separation, loss and grief are experienced by all touched by adoption. For adoptive parents it may be the loss of control, the loss of being able to have children biologically, or the loss of the child they fantasized joining their family through adoption. Adopted children have lost their birth parents and perhaps ties to other significant people in their lives, their community, their culture and everything that is familiar to them.

Unmatched expectations of the adopted child and the adoptive parents are inevitable because the expectations that each person brings to the relationship usually have little in common. Each party to the adoption makes an emotional investment in it and expects some return on their investment.

Bonding and attachment are crucial to adoption. While the bond a child has with birth parents is unique, attachments between adopted child and adoptive parents can be formed. However, there are many challenges to attachment which relate to the earlier experiences of the child, including the type of parenting they received in early stages of development, attachments developed and subsequent trauma, separations and losses.

Entitlement is the sense that adoptive parents and adopted children have a right to one another. The legal right to one another is granted by the court. Entitlement, however, also has an emotional side. Adopted children and families are often challenged about their entitlement, both internally (questioning themselves about whether they deserve their child or deserve their family), and by society which does not sanction adoption in the same way as it sanctions biological families.

Claiming is the process by which the adoptive parents come to accept the adopted child as their own and as a full-fledged member of the family. Identifying similarities between the adopted child and adoptive parents and other family members facilitates acceptance of the child which gives the child the same status as a member of the family as other members. This may be difficult when there are differences in history, appearance, values, interests or behavior between family members.

Family integration identifies the challenge of bringing two different family systems together, that of the adopted child, and of the adoptive family, to form a new family system. Formal and informal rules of family living, which have developed over the years, must suddenly change. New patterns of family interaction and new family roles must be developed so that life can get back to where all family members know what to expect.

Identify formation is an issue for the adoptive family and the adopted child. Identity relates to one's sense of self that has identifiable boundaries and value. Identity is rooted in family history. For a child with a history different than other family members this can present challenges. The family also seeks to find a new identity as an adopted child gains membership and everyone comes to know what being an adoptive family means. Identity is formed, both consciously and unconsciously, through experiences, interaction with and exposure to other people, and by making decisions concerning who one is and what one will be.